Premarital Sex Isn’t So Bad?

Jason Micheli —  March 3, 2013 — 5 Comments

Myth_of_You_Complete_MeYesterday, I concluded a series of posts I’ve been writing on Marriage. And in my church we’re in the midst of a sermon series on Counterfeit God. In a way, this seemed like an appropriate Post Script to both those series.

While I’m not in a congregation or a denomination that harps on sexual purity, abstinence and what not, because I’m a pastor, I do know for a fact that young people, particularly women, still struggle with guilt and self-image problems as a result of being sexually active. Particularly when those relationships don’t work out or when bad choices get made. And, because I’m a pastor, I know many married couples struggle with their sexual relationship and often because its predicated on unrealistic expectations.

Tony Jones has a thoughtful piece written by an anonymous commenter, pointing out how both pornographers and abstinence-only Christians turn sex into an idol, giving it far importance and power over our lives than it has in reality. Ultimately both can create illusions and expectations that are destructive. Here’s a clip from his post:

1. That the world fetishes (as in ascribing magical powers to a mundate object) sex, but then so does the church. If there’s any wisdom in the worldly teenage rush to rid oneself of virginity, it’s that it unmasks the object and robs it of some of its power. Meanwhile teenage Christian guys struggle with porn because sex is mysterious and powerful, and God cares just as much about sexual “purity” as he does about people getting tortured and killed or going hungry or without shelter, apparently.

2. The message of the Christian sexual ethic shouldn’t be “save sex for marriage and everything will be great,” because it won’t.

3. Virginity doesn’t have the moral value attached to it that we think it should have. If that really weighs into how you value a person, you’re not even seeing that person. In fact, your view of other persons is depraved.

4. No one ever talks to Christian youth about how lame sex in marriage can be. (See also 1 and 2) Sure it can be great, but for many, many people at some greater or lesser time, because of stress/kids/sickness/etc. it isn’t. No one ever talks to them about how or why affairs happen. I think it’s cruel to let someone go about building their life on completely unrealistic expectations because no one cares to mention to them that the story might be different.


Click here to read the rest.

Jason Micheli


5 responses to Premarital Sex Isn’t So Bad?

  1. To me sex before marriage is not sinful at all. It my have moral repercussion within society that we live, but it is not sinful. Our most primal urge is to go forth and create new life. There is no harm in having pleasure while doing so. I encourage it actually. Ultimately do what you feel is best for you that is all I can say. It is when you degrade others for not sharing your specific belief that you need to look into the mirror as that is the beginning of Vanity which is truly a mortal sin.

  2. Progressive Christians purport to be all about love. So, how is it loving to have premarital sex with someone? How is it disciplined, responsible, mature, unselfish, serving, Gospel of the Good News behaviour? Especially when a new life may be conceived in the process – a new life that most probably will be aborted? Does abortion, the ruthless, violent slaughtering of human life, flow out of Jesus’ love? Before we do anything, we must ask ourselves if it is loving and wise, especially as we model Christ-like behaviour to those younger, or are we simply making seeking our own pleasure the measure of our lives?

    Considering all the sexually transmitted infections/diseases; how the hearts of females become involved when they engage in sexual intercourse; how the files of women’s naked bodies and sexual acts performed for the men are stored away forever in the men’s minds, affecting future intimacy in a committed marital relationship for those men; how parents are disrespectfully disobeyed when their teenagers selfishly engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage; innocent, defenseless babies may be conceived and aborted – how can any Christian pronounce sex outside of marriage good, pure, holy and righteous???

    • Jason Micheli March 6, 2013 at 6:46 PM

      Woa, I think you’re making a lot of assumptions there. I don’t think the author of the letter I posted was advocating for premarital sex per se nor advocating any of the manifestations of it you list in your comment. I think the point was that too much attention to sex is paid by both Christians and the laissez faire attitude in our culture. A person’s value, I think was the assertion, transcends sex.
      To put a Gospel twist on it, I’d say abstinence can’t win the Father’s love nor does it exclude you from the Father’s love.

      • Um, it’s interesting that you responded to me but not Rodney, Jason. Does the title of this blog posting have nothing to do with the blog posting itself? The title is designed to draw folks here to read it, is it not, as well as to ruffle a few feathers in the process? I definitely am not making any assumptions. I was addressing the premise of this post, according to the title. Our Father cannot wink at sin, Jason, and this includes sex outside of marriage. He commands us to “be ye holy as He is holy,” because He knows of what we are capable when surrendering our allegiance to Him! As with everything that God has created for beauty, purity and righteousness, satan has twisted sex into something almost unrecognizably ugly and hideous in our corrupt culture. And, yes, the so-called progressive Christians have partnered up with him. Consider their views on homosexuality, abortion, pornography and sex outside of marriage.

        Honestly, this is akin to Christians drinking alcohol. The myriad lives that are destroyed by alcohol in a plethora of ways are not shown love when Christians put even a penny towards such a destructive industry, are they? Love should be the focus in all we do, for God is love.

  3. I’m a woman, who had a few long term relationships before I married at age 30, and they did include both love and sex. I would describe them as disciplined, responsible, mature, and unselfish. If society had made it impossible for me to have a serious, adult relationship that includes sex, I probably would have married much younger, and chosen one of the men I ultimately decided was not a good lifelong choice for me (or me for them), and who knows how that would have ended? The statistics are not good. There are really good reasons why those people did not become my life partner, and why my husband is a great choice for me, and me for him. I learned important things from each of those relationships about what I wanted, what I could and could not live with from a partner, and how to be a good partner myself. Pregnancy is preventable, but life happens, and you have to accept the possibility that your best laid plans may have unforeseen consequences. I would not go back and do things differently, because the knowledge I gained has made my life so much better. I have always treated my sexual relationships as important, and I hope to teach my daughters to do the same. If they make choices that I don’t agree with, I hope I don’t see it as disrespect of me. It’s their body, and the choices are theirs. I see a better outcome for them if Jesus’s love isn’t contingent on those choices, but in support of them, whatever they decide is right for them, their partner, and any children conceived, hopefully in love, if not within the bounds of marriage.

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