I would rather die than go back to being the person that I was.
I taught my children to lie.
Of course I told them to tell the truth, but I taught them how to lie.
I had to.
I was protecting my way of life by lying to myself and everyone around me.
Keller says that money (and I submit a whole host of other idols) can be a spiritual addiction and like all addictions they hide their true proportions from their victims. They do what they have to do to feed and perpetuate the addiction.
The heart always wants to justify itself
My precious paradigm cannot be intruded upon when I am living for something other than my God.
When I am not following the Holy Spirit, I tell myself what I have to in order to maintain my way of life. Self -deception is key if I am to continue to stay comfortable doing what I’m doing. And, let’s face it, everyone likes to be able to go to sleep at night.
Keller says we look to our idols for significance and security and because we HAVE to have them, we do what we have to do to protect our head from really seeing the desires of our heart – we deceive ourselves.
That is why I can continue to go to church and bible study week after week, year after year and still be in the same spiritual pits and ruts.
The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things and expect different results.
If I am tired of the same spiritual gerbil wheel, I need to jump off and do something different…”this time, I will praise the LORD.“
This time I will put my trust in God. Find my honor in God. Find mercy at His feet. Everything short of that will leave me bankrupt once again. This time…..
If Leah had continued to resist the simple act of letting go and praising God, still praying to God for answers to the wrong questions, she would never have had the beautiful breakthrough that allowed her heart to be changed – that allowed her to love God and be loved by him. She could finally praise God. Her circumstance hadn’t changed – her husband still didn’t love her. She was still the same rejected and unloved woman she had always been. But she finally broke the cycle.
“Anyone who listens to the word, but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. The man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it. He will be blessed in what he does. James 1:23-24
This time I have to tell the truth to protect my way of life, my life with Christ.
I have to be responsible for my spiritual growth. I have to want to be the person that God created me to be badly enough that I am willing to look at those spiritual worms inside me and call them what they are.
I would rather die than go back to being who I was.